First you need a fast car*****so you can beat the other hunters to the best
spots. That will give you a chance of being killed before you get
out in the woods and save some other hunter the ammo and the mess of shooting
you.
One or two cases of whiskey, four cases of beer, and lots of ammo, food ,
tents and sleeping bas take up a lot of space, so get another case of whiskey
instead.
Be sure to shoot anything that moves, if it's not a deer, there's always the
chance it might be your mother-in-law.
Now when you bag a deer be sure to shoot all the shells you have into it,
that way you'll be sure to splinter all the bones and bust all the entrails.
Don't bother to wash or wipe it out, as the blood and manure will improve the
flavor. Besides the locker plant operator will be disappointed if you
bring in a clean one.
If you decide to skin it be sure to roll it around in the dirt, leaves and
pine needles as they will stick well. Be sure to wrap it in newspaper as printers
ink has the delicate flavor of burnt rubber.
Now bring it out to the truck, throw it over the hood as close to the
radiator as possible so it will get all the heat and dust. But most of all so
everyone can see that you really got one.
On the way home stop at the bar to tell everyone how you killed
it, be sure to stretch that shot out to a mile.
Be sure to hang out in the bar until the locker plant is closed for the
night and the operator is sound asleep. Then wake him, tell him you need to get your deer in
the cooler before it spoils.
He will no doubt have hundreds hanging around
so make sure he cuts yours first Be sure he cuts it all into choice steaks and
chops.
