A hunter kills a deer

"I'm ashamed of the way we live

A hunter was cruising along

Thousands of years ago in Europe

At his hunter's safety class

A hunter was crossing a road

A guy invites his new brother-in-law

A rich lady from California

An exhausted hunter

What's the difference between

Joe and Obie went hunting

A father and his young son

A married couple went on a fishing trip

After eating an entire bull elk


  1. A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?" "You'll see", says his dad. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me." "We're eating asshole!", she screams.
  2. "I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job and instead just fished and hunted all the time. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband glared over at her as he thumbed through the Cabelas catalog, "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent! TOP
  3. A hunter was cruising along a back country road when all the sudden he drove into a huge mud hole right in the center of the road. Being hopelessly stuck, he walked down the road to find help. After walking a piece down the road and he came upon an old gent with a 4-wheel drive with a winch. When the hunter told the old gent about his predicament, the old-timer said, "I'll pull you out, but it will cost you $100.00." The hunter was in quite a bind and was forced to pay the old man. After he was freed from the mud hole, the hunter complained, "At the high prices that you charge I'm surprised you're not pulling people out of the mud full-time." "Can't," replied the old gent. "It takes me the better part of the day to haul water for the hole." TOP
  4. Thousands of years ago in Europe, there was a reigning king that was a very avid hunter. In fact he was such an avid hunter that he passed a law banning all his subjects from hunting anywhere in his kingdom so he would have more game for himself. His subjects were outraged by the law, as many of them were hunters as well. They became so enraged over the their game hog-leader that they overthrew the king ending his reign. This marked the only time in history that a reign was called off, because of game. TOP
  5. At his hunter's safety class, the instructor picked on young Johnny to answer a question about being lost in the woods. The instructor asked, "Johnny, name three items that could save you should you become lost?" Johnny confidently answered, "A compass, water and a deck of cards." "Explain your answers?" the instructor, asked. Johnny replied, "The compass could be used to find my way: The water would prevent dehydration." "What about the cards?" the instructor demanded. Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" TOP

  7. A hunter was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The hunter took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the hunter took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The hunter said, "Look, I'm a avid hunter and when I'm not hunting I'm fishing so I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool." TOP

  9. A guy invites his new brother-in-law to deer camp for the first time. Since the brother-in-law is a new hunter and doesn't really know anybody, he's understandably a little bored. When he tries to strike up a conversation by stating, "How about that crappy president?" He's told to be careful and that they don't discuss politics at deer camp. When the new guy then says, "How about that new ruling that the Pope made?" The group again cautions him that they don't discuss religion at deer camp. When the new guy tries to tell a dirty joke, he's again lectured about keeping it clean. He then says, "Since I can't discuss politics, religion or sex then is it all right if we talk about mechanical stuff like wood working or tools?" The other camp members agreed that those subjects would be all right. Hearing this, the new hunter says, "Good, then screw you!" TOP
  10. A rich lady from California who's a tree hugger and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry, they all turned me down." TOP
  11. An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you." he said. "I've been lost for three days." "Don't get too excited," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
  12. What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
    A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies. TOP
  13. Joe and Obie went hunting every year on opening day of duck season. This year, they decided to borrow a neighbor's retriever, a dog named Buck, so they wouldn't have to wade out after any birds that fell into the lake when they shot them. They had good luck that day and bagged several plump ducks. Whenever a duck fell into the water, either Joe or Obie would send Buck out after it. And each time the dog went after a downed duck, he would pause momentarily at the water's edge. Then Buck would trot calmly across the surface of the lake to retrieve the bird without ever getting wet. This unusual performance always caused Joe and Obie to glance wide-eyed at each other and shake their heads in wonder. At the end of the day, Joe and Obie drove back by way of the neighbor's home to return Buck and thank the retriever's owner for the loan. "Did the dog do a good job?" asked its owner. "Yes," said Joe, "he brought in all the ducks that fell into the lake." "Great," said the dog's owner, "but did you notice anything special about Buck?" "Well, we didn't want to mention it," said Obie, "but we saw that you taught him just about everything a dog needs to know about duck hunting, excepting how to swim." TOP
  14. A father and his young son were in the forest hunting deer. After hunting for a while they finally came across some deer tracks in the snow. Among the tracks there were these little round brown droppings and the son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?" The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple." So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, "Ewww! Yuk! They taste awful." The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter already." TOP
  15. A married couple went on a fishing trip. The husband went out on the lake with his boat and equipment, while the wife took a nap in the cabin. Later that afternoon, the husband returns to take a nap. So, the wife takes the boat to the middle of the lake, takes out a book and starts reading. After a while a game warden comes along in his boat and tells her that she is in a restricted fishing area. She says that she is not fishing, just reading a book. "But, you have all this fishing equipment, so I will have to ticket you." said the game warden. She replied, "Do that, and I'll have you arrested for rape." "But lady! I haven't touched you!" exclaimed the game warden. At which she replied, "Yes. But, YOU have all the right equipment." TOP
  16. After eating an entire bull elk, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull keep your mouth shut. TOP